I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. It was not measurable in his blood. Think before you do what you do. I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. So, Thomas maybe your right they must be doing it wrong. She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. But she is just not sexually attracted to me. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. I say I know exactly what youre taking about because my wife has had four back surgeries and we have sex RARELY! As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! Oh stfu. We dated for 30 years and finally got married. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. Got thru menopause with that help. And the sex with my current partner is always strained because she doesnt show any real passion or desire to let go. I have a TON of frustration that has built up for years. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. Susan!!! Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. Yes, he may have more energy then she does because he did nothing all day but insulted her and her lack of sex. Wow. As for me, never. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. He is always sitting alone. So, basically youre saying, My needs outweigh your life. I dont care if you die, so long as I get 3 minutes of pleasure.. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. Perhaps every month or so she gives me a handjob, rarely a BJ. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. I hear you sister, I am only 52, husband is same age. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. Almost all new moms experience what is medically described as the baby blues a sudden feeling of sadness after giving birth, coupled with mood swings and irritability, among other symptoms. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. You are so right. My other half sees it as rejection and makes angry threats. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. Honor us with attention and physical contact. She looks at it like I was cheating on her. My first wife and I married when we were 21. I married, not for love but because was told I could do worse. I was married for 24 years. I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. Dont men throb? She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. Wow!!! * PLATFORM OR CMS. You deserve to be happy in your life as well. . I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. That old saying use or loose it.. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. Take care of your body and mind! A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. I do not believe love will demand it as a duty but love also doesnt hand over the relationship to the destructive forces and temptations, The older I get the more confident I am Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. So I know him well, this is extremely painful and heartbreaking. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. . U have no choice but to leave!!! If that is not possible, it may be too late. 1. WFT. We seem to have fallen into a marriage without sex. She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. we always believe that we are being judged . Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. Is the meds freak Im a woman that actually wants it my newlywed husband has no interest but I can tell he feels bad but hes ex military so hes to prideful to get pills Im 41 i been told a lot that Im beautiful .. ok not going there but I know Im a catch but even making him food in a nighty doesnt work he says wow babe thanks am like . I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. Do this consistently, eat a mostly protein based diet and cut out sugar for 6 months and report back. Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. It will only create more distance between you. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. We lose ourselves. Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? Dang! We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. 4 Things to Teach Your Kids to Stand Up For, 5 Things Teens Need But Wont Ever Ask For, 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood, 20 Great Conversation Starters for Great Marriages. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. He has with held sex before, once or twice when he was mad at me a couple of times in the past 18 year, that was my punishment. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. That leads to no communication and uselessness. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! Good points you made for sure. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. Semi handsome for an old guy. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. It makes me feel sick. Having married one of the well into that 34% is hell. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! Married a little over 50 years! (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. I would divorce him but whats the point. she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. Should I let him go elsewhere? I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. The comments given above is very true. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. */ Dont worry about having sex for a long time. Once the children appeared on the scene I would never have done anything that would risk us splitting up. I have no idea what to do. So.. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good. Its worth discussing with your doctor. I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. To the men out there, moaning about their wives loosing interest, think about how you would feel after loosing your testicles. Yeah. I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. A sexologist is not going to be able to overcome a lack or imbalance of hormones. The guy is a magnet! Havent had regular sex in years, just a HJ or BJ on 8 or 9 month intervals typically. Grab Now! Thanks for pointing out that marriage therapy can also help with problems about having a sexless marriage. Were you on a low dose of estrogen by mouth. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. Therapy will help you identify the issues underlying the lack of sex, teach you how to communicate more effectively, give you strategies for regaining your intimacy if shes willing, and tools for coping if shes not, and offer you the boost you need to work on your relationship. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. Shes not. Whether male or female, each of us made a promise to love and honor our partners either through marriage or by living together. */ I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. Invariably, its a case of emotional intimacy missing. Most women who go through postpartum depression also find it increasingly difficult to get physically involved. I thought during the first couple of years of our marriage that I was imagining this but I now realize I wasnt (since he recently stated how we werent trying to procreate any longer, so why bother with sex.). Who gets up and takes card of them? She always had 2 orgasms before me. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. This whole situation sucks for all of us. you probably love your husband, or at least the person he once was when you were first together. No love no sex. A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. If thats the case, try to build a successful relationship after cheating; own up to your mistakes, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and assure her that its all in the past. A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. I had a few clients who had a baby and found it difficult to start getting physically intimate with their spouses again because theyre not comfortable with their bodies, says Gopa. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Cheers Rl. I feel your frustration. That was 28 years ago. Im really suffering. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. But very tired of masterbating. 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