dirty golf quotes dirty golf quotes

Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. And now it will be poisoned for you. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. He attacks it. My drives aren't always long and straight. He was perfecting his swing. They have a hard drive. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. My shaft is bent. Check it out now! Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Dirt your body. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Nothing. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. In case he got a hole in one! 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. - Mickey Mantle. "If you break 100, watch your golf. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". 4. What do you call a lion playing golf? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Eight. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. 3. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Funny Family Poems. Required fields are marked *. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. course sometime. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Happy Gilmore. 9. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. In case he gets a hole in one. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Their fore-fathers! In case they get a hole-in-one! On the Green In Two. Boo who? A hole in one of a kind model. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Fantastic 4-some. Tiagra. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. If you break 80, watch your business. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Knock, knock For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? You swing left and the ball goes right. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Required fields are marked *. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. So, what are your thoughts? Golf is a lot like life. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Toggle Navigation Menu . I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Andy who? Damn, girl. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. First and foremost, you must have confidence. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Do you know what the Lama says? To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. I play Bass. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Please add a link to this article. 7. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Peter Jacobson, 33. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Tahiti who? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. After 18 holes I can barely walk. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. You shot an eight. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. "Golf is my profession. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. All lip, no hole. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Ben Hogan. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Play golf. Nuts! Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. the flag cant jump. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." 8. 4. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? The threesome were curious what was going on. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? On a golf course, nature is neutered. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. 3. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Where is the best place to go on vacation? What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. 2. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? I chipped in from the rough! I give the ball some sweet talk. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Sunday Service. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Are you looking for some funny jokes? Just tap it in. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. The smile looks really good on you. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Spread your legs a little more. 4. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. 5. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. About 160 yards was his reply. . / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. but I can show you what is! Boo. And there are windmills. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Why are golf and sex so similar? Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Wodehouse, 31. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. What is a golfers favorite bird? Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? Sawdust City LLC. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. - Bobby Jones Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Chip Shot. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. What are a golfers favorite flowers? / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? The 19th hole. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Two, be your own person. Keep your sense of humor. Hit the ball. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. 2. P.G. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. 7. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. 3. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Golf Quotes About Life 22. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? This post may contain affiliate links. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Lee Trevino. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? But you cant just forget not to think. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Golfing? I Am Shuvo Saha. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Mini Golf Captions. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. They like cricket better. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. 5. 2. Intercourse! How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Your fifth putt. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. It can be difficult. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. In case he gets a hole in one. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. How many strokes was that? Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Golf is the easiest game in the world. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G.