We shared that we'd both stayed hung up on each for years after the break up. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. My advice is to not get distracted by what your ex says too much and instead look at the things your ex asks or expects from you. Once you give in to the temptation and reply to their message, you might be left utterly confused about their motivation for texting you. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. Politely rejecting his invitation to meet up was mature and respectful to all parties involved. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. He said hed been having dreams about me and wanted to see if Im ok and that was it. I saw my ex post on a facebook page I was a group in. If youre looking to get them back, your imagination must be running wild. Signs And Coping Tips, 15 Speed Dating Dos and Donts You Need To Know, How To Start A Conversation With A Girl: 20 Ways That Never Fail, 10 Ways To Tell Your Parents You Have A Girlfriend, Dealing With An Insecure Boyfriend? But they didnt click with anyone. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. Im guessing shes trying to do something to clear her conscience. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. Its important to mention that this is a dangerous place to be in because it satisfies a void, and you forget why you broke up in the first place. Lets not lose sleep over only the unpleasant prospects. Before we talk about what to do when an ex reaches out after no contact, we need to discuss what "after" means. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. He asked me if I would give him the opportunity to say them to me. I had never mentioned it to him as since I had miscarried it didnt seem like there was anything to discuss. Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It. The first time he reached out, he called me a monster because I aborted a pregnancy I had with him when I was 15. At the time of our relationship, I was still keeping a lot to myself emotionally. When were facing something scary, we do like to hear about people whove survived a similar threat or something even worse. Whats going on? It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. If the dumper realizes your worth, he or she could learn to respect you again and make you into the most valuable person in his or her life. When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. When you receive a text or call from an ex years after the breakup, the very first thing you must do is learn why your ex reached out to you. I'm not mad that she reached out. I think you should let this one go. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? Programs. If you still have feelings for your ex, that doesnt mean you should talk to your ex and get your hopes up. It may seem a bit strange to ask your ex that, but dont worry about that. She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) Naturally, it can make your exes come back when you stop caring. We dont sign up for certain catastrophes in life. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. If we cross paths I will thank her otherwise I am letting this one go. I imagine he just wants to check up. Been talking to my ex for about a month and for 1st time in 10+ years I feel happy. You might be able to tell perhaps by their tone that your ex is reaching out because they're bored, lonely, or having a tough time moving. First off, it's good to pause before responding. The bottom line is that if youre thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. However, video calls are especially meaningful when someone is totally isolated or when grandkids or more than one person is at one end of the phone. So yes, exes come back years after the breakup. How have you been?, dont conclude that the nasty text they sent to you while breaking up meant nothing, and that they want to get back together. Your ex wasnt committed to coming back. You are right that there probably isn't a deeper meaning t9 it. So, be a good human being and talk about it to your partner. When your ex reaches out after a long period of time, odds are they've changed. Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. As you say, it was likely just an attempt to ease her guilt. Here are six common reasons for exes getting back together years later. Your ex might be a changed person more decency, less infidelity. Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. If you just went on a date and he responds 3 days after, he might be following an old dating rule to make you more interested in him. You are following it religiously cutting off all contact with your ex. Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with. Theres a chance she wants you back, but be careful about that. In one job interview, he is asked to name the most significant world event in the last ten years. I think it is best I keep my distance to avoid stirring the pot. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. In searching for the familiar, we may be drawn back to past times in our lives when our cares seemed so much lighter than they do now. I told him we could talk over the phone. Discussions must remain civil at all times, and women must be allowed to dominate the discussion. He'd tried to reach out to me a couple times after the break-up. Shes blocked me off everything , moved twice now. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because hes stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. Last Updated on October 11, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. What is their intention? You can also use the online chat. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and giving them attention when your present life is fulfilling isnt really worth it. Maybe they are still holding grudges against you and decided this is the right time to serve the cold dish of revenge. For a person who has been dumped in a relationship, no contact offers that much-required time and space for healing. Wants your help with something. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. A whopping 62 percent of married folks in her study wound up having an affair with their ex even though they didn't reach out to them with any such plan in mind. This kind of reciprocity is what makes confession responses a great way to respond, especially if your ex called you during no contact to fix things. Theyre literally just checking up on you to see if youre well. That something may not necessarily be what you may have been hoping for, but its something only you have. It helps us feel less alone and like were among others when we do video calls, but they also can drain energy when youre also spending long days on work video conferences. Does your ex normally ghost you for many months and then re-establish contact like its the good old days? A part of me feels like I need to give him closure and I'm not sure how? They may sincerely hope to reconnect with you and get back together even though it might not look like that on the surface. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. Several reasons exes may contact you are below. Ignore it. IDK how that benefits anyone in the situation. Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. In fact, it might even be a good idea to block your ex if they make you feel uncomfortable on any level. This helps us in two different ways. Also, if you had fixable problems in your relationship that they didnt solve when you were together, they might have changed that about themselves and pop up in an attempt to show off or get you back. So they come back, tail between their legs, ready to renegotiate their bond with you. Very random in his message he stated that it was crazy for reaching out and that Ive always been brought up in conversion by school mates and that hes sorry if he negatively impacted me and hes always wishing the best for me and hes never forgot me. What role are they going to play? So, before you slam a sarcastic emoji in their face, grab a tea or a book. Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. When this no-contact situation casts its shadows on your ex, they will look for opportunities to get in touch with you. Perhaps you could lend me an ear?. Even me avoiding texting her, I feel all my time healing has gone to waste, I feel a little depressed again all just because shes back in my life and in my mind. He was going through the program and wanted to make amends. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to hi, Thanks for sharing, I understand that what you are tempted to do is verbalise what you have learnt and worked through post breakup and have him acknowledge your feelings. But they do that only if they still have some respect for their ex, if they see that their ex has grown significantly in their absence, or if they get hurt. That was all he wanted and said hes glad Im ok, never heard from him since. She has grown up and matured a lot in this time, as have I. Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. Yes, I reached out to my first love. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. I dont want to bring up the passed too, rather move forward for the sake of everyone involved. Although you had problems when you were together, you always worked it out and were happy. later: Unfortunately, the knowledge that youre there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. Youll wonder if your ex wants to talk about random things or discuss something important. It could be your mental peace, could be the relationship with your new partner. As youve read, its the norm for people to get back together after theyve been broken up for years. They're angry with you. Why would an ex contact you years later? My ex was the dumper and sent an e-mail after 4+ years of no contact. If you had a deep friendship backing up the passionate side of your relationship, they can feel like you are still a soft place to fall, emotionally. I feel bummed and embarrassed but nothing I could do. Apparently he had heard a rumor that I had found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had aborted the baby. If they agree, set the date and meet up with them. People are not static, and friendships that cant shift and grow as people do just cant endure. Reaching out to an ex years later can play out in one of two ways, you either connect with each other again or nothing good comes of it. Now shes unblocked me and sent me messages saying shes moved and wants to tell me something or speak to me about something but I personally dont feel ready to talk as I dont want to be put back into that same place I was mentally. Besides, you have no way of knowing whether your ex will be forthcoming and candid in their response. Let me know what your plans are in the comments below. But how are you supposed to know that for sure? If youve healed, youre not going to overthink too much. 1. And I think it's natural for some people to want to. You should be able to talk to whoever you want, but keeping your partner informed in this regard is wise. When were scared, we long for the familiar, and right now, many of us are afraid or concerned in ways that we havent been before ever in our lives. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. But instead of telling yourself something like, My ex contacted me after 2 years and Im starting to think they have genuinely changed, try to take a minute to assess the whole situation. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. Youre married with beautiful children, successful, and go on the most amazing vacations. This isnt the time to look for alternative sources of happiness. But they happen anyway., and you are left with no other choice than to face the aftermath. They noticed your transition from sad to happy, and the expression of contentment on your face is threatening to them. On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. later: 1. While you tactfully avoid tapping on the notification, it can throw your whole mojo off-balance. I felt that she was just trying to ease her guilt rather than anything else, and it wasnt my job to do that. It was just a very strong intuition, and one that was "confirmed" when he'd shown up at that beach thing, even though the rational part of my mind said I couldn't really "know" that, and that it probably wasn't likely. 7. If the relationship ended bad, let's say cheating involved or constant arguing while together I'd say let it lay and don't bother. On the contrary, what if your ex got dumped and just wanted to check in on you? Keep me posted. Exes might get back together if the reasoning for a breakup was mutual or based on uncontrollable life circumstances. I think I'm willing to give it a second try.". Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, Elena, one of our readers from Los Angeles, was still trying to move on after her partner ended things over an email. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? 4. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? Out of curiosity: if you ever reached out to an ex boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband/ wife years later: what did you want out of it?