Surround yourself with a solid community, and find people who will talk you through this kind of stuff, or willing to just talk about the utterly mundane. Alex's oldest son, 26-year-old Buster, was not killed alongside his mother and younger brother, and the Netflix docuseries doesn't explain where he was when his loved I do know that I took my Dads death much harder than my mother did. I think it is true to say,from my experience, that when loss is handled with gross insensitivity the impact of that causes a person not to trust the perpetrator again. She did cook a birthday dinner for me once the first year she and my Dad were married. My sister & I cry many times throughout the day. I dont believe that they only developed feelings after my moms death. I cannot believe how selfish some of these comments are. I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. He would just come by and drop off boxes and boxes of pictures and not go thru them. I know that there is a sense of family loss when your father or mother enter a friendship or more serious relationship with someone else. She says he is trying to turn her into my mom. 3 weeks later he started dating a woman 15 years younger than he from church. And i was 12 years. I think our options are to either let our relationship continue to grow weaker and more stressful or to try to get him to agree to speak to a counselor/therapist that we could all speak with. Its lime he has not only moved on, but he no longer wants anything to do with anything that had to do with his marriage to my mom, including us kids. I think one thing my life has taught me is that emotional maturity is not age dependent. It made me sick. I figured who would seriously date my dad lol figured he was fun and nice so a group of going out friends would be fun and good for him? Our dedicated home care staff are specialists who provide a range of services according to their training, professional certification and experience. Seeing my father sneaking across the landing at night was excruciating. You have to remeber they are human. I WAS SO RELIEVED!! All I see is that greed has been number one on his list. I dont want to have to cut him out of my life, but I am very angry with him for choosing his own happiness right now over his adult children, who are aching for his support. Her daughter came to stay when she was in hospital and then had a falling out with her mother over something. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to killer Alex Murdaugh and his family I was still uncomfortable, but slightly more accepting of the situation because (1) a little more time had passed since my mothers death, (2) the new girlfriend was actually my fathers age, and (3) at one point my father had said: Dont worry, she doesnt have any kids!. In the beginning, the hugs, I love you, were always done in front of other people. You cant just erase them from the face of the earth. Sonia- I hope you find this response. After my fathers burial service, friends and family held a brunch where everyone went around the table and shared a lively anecdote. If I were to write down everything he has done thats been terrible Id have a 500 page novel, it just gets worse and worse, really! No one could fail to feel for the terrible situation in which you were left. He has 3 children.D 14, S 18, S 22. Well Since that time he has reversed his mind, moved his girlfriend in and invited her on the cruise he offered to take me, my wife, my brother and his wife on while we sat at the hospice the night before my mom died. I dont want to lose my dad but knowing he seems to be ready to give his family up over a stranger from Belarus, it makes me think seriously about my own life and what I need and who I need in my life to be happy. All those years of trying to cope because I didnt want him to be alone were wasted. We kids need him. I am just not going to feel sorry for someone who is disliked by both her family and his. I thought he was a grown adult. You could try writing a letter from yourself and your sister because he would have to read it and not interupt or threaten. In retrospect, I truly did need that time to just feel normal and not talk about it. You need to figure out how to be self-supporting instead of relying on me to take care of you. Take care of yourself first. I rarely see him these days, even though we live in the same house. They, and the rest of the family, are appalled at me. 22 women until he reconnected with a woman who he had known for 30 years. Their faith is very important to both of them. Until they met her, people would say ,Well your father needs a life of his own and you wouldnt want him to be on his own. I bought this argument and struggled to forgive the huge and ongoing hurt. Im even more upset about that than I am about my Dad trying to hide what has been going on with this woman. No soon after my mom passed, my mothers 1st cousin started coming around. It is a conscious choice. My mom died in April 2015. Your children are there but they are not there. My mum died a year ago after a very short, unexpected battle with cancer. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. I am glad to see I am not alone. If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years. Knowing that makes it. I was completely taken aback mostly because my mom told him repeatedly how she felt if he were to do such a thing. I forgot to mention in my original post, but I need to mention this also. I believe that acceptance and clear communication is important for both parties. Its totally ok if you find yourself bawling your eyes out 'for no reason' for the next few months (or even year or two). Please, please if you are a parent or new love interest think carefully about how a selfish decision will cause decades of pain and suffering. I implore you do this one unselfish thing for your children as honouring your late spouse or partner. He called me the next day and was surprisingly understanding about not forcing his relationship on me or making me watch home makeout with his girlfriend as he did in the hospital. Dad and her were married 53 years. I am guessing the woman is younger. I know it hasn't been a ton of time yet and obviously we are still going through the stages of grief, but I don't want my mom to just be completely miserable. Boy was she right. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. Your dad did. But how much do you put up with before youve had enough? He used to return my calls and now that is no longer the case. WTF? I was speechless. This is going to take a long time. Anyways any advise??? ), and leaving pills everywhere-not in bottles but on countertops-Xanex, Valium, pain killers, appetite suppressants even though she told me she never takes any meds. She also managed to monopolize every situation with her own drama (example: she lost her license for the vehicular manslaughter 2 days before my wedding and dad and people that were supposed to help me with the wedding ended up driving her around, taking her to hair appts, buying groceries for the out-of-towners dinner at dads house which she never prepared bc she was in court so my mother-in-law had to make it, etc., taking valuable helpers away from me-the bride-who was doing/making everything herself to save money). Then in July, he went camping with her and her family. It helped him to see how someone else is suffering, and keep him on a level of reality that is easy to forget through depression and grief. Ive never really been close with my father and this seems to be driving more of a wedge between us. Adapted from a recent online discussion . Woke up today and also found out that they are sleeping and the condominium which my late mother bought for her and my mom. Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. Alex Murdaugh, the victims'husband and father, was just found guilty of their It feels good to be validated. Sometime late in 2014, he connected with an old college friend and they began dating, and I was surprised by how ok I was with it. People constantly comment about how incredible they really are. My sister does not like her because she thinks they were going together before my Mom even died, or soon after and kept it a secret. All the time my husband and I spent with my parents is with with this new girlfriend. But I love him , he is a great man, I know he is not perfect but I know not one of us is perfect but we have to be kind. He has tried to give me the other womans phone number and told me to call him there. Whitney gave me back a piece of him that would have otherwise faded. In time, you will learn to work around it and not let it absorb you and suck you up. Last spring my Mom was killed in a car accident. Recently, she took out a stack of cards she had received over the course of the pandemic and told me how she looks at them and rereads them all the time. Think of it like she's moving into a new home and you're helping her - she doesn't just have the money right away; there's a deposit and the movers and you have to set up the new place and eventually you will get there, but not in one day. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. I am sure this woman was nervous, and really, she was nice enough. Dealing with my loss and almost like dealing with the loss of my father as well cause i feel like i never see him. It isn't your job to take care of her. Within 4 months of her diagnosis, she was gone! They have always fought and split all through the years vowing never to speak again. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. My dad died in 2006, and they had been together over 40 years. You will never trust your fathers love for you again. that is all fine & after a respectful time (my definition of this would be 6 months or more), than go for the intimate stuff. I understand and accept that. But me and my Dads wife do not get along at all. Ive tried ignoring it and being the bigger person always doing her dishes, then she starts moving in more on my house putting her mark everywhere and being home all day in my grandma house. Even if you are the nicest person ever it will be really difficult. He may feel he will win long term because you either accept her or lose him. Can you find a friend who will just listen and not judge? I wont allow that to become a goal of anyone who enters into our family. This is my Dads oldest brother and his wife. I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. So, I told him that were no longer a part of each others lives. And she isn't incapable of doing things for herself! For us, when my dad died, my mother was grief-stricken for almost 10 years afterwards. 2. He was not there for my husband as my husband went through the grief that his mothers death left. Around January of 2004, a neighbor and fellow church member of my Dads set up a date for him with another woman Ill call Ellen. It had barely been 6 months since Mom had passed away. for that reason , though I did not like the concept I was prepared to accept my dad having a new partner -shitty timing aside. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. But how can you be the judge? But that will never make the feelings we have invalid. His whole personality has changed and I just cant adjust to it. Its weird watching a 72 year old man act like a 14 year old. I could really use some good advice on how to deal with all this. Now, Im no expert on how to handle death. You might find that if she is really messed up over this that she's letting things slide and fall apart. He kept complaining that the food wanst ready soon enough, that it was taking too long, and kept telling everyone else that he had somewhere else to be. That was almost 3 years ago. However I am pretty blessed that my mother never seem to mention any issue. Thank you so much for your advice. My Mom always hated clutter and Ellen junked up the house. i lost it. With 48, mom's still young , too, young enough to get a job. And I saw her mugshots-she was smiling in one of them. Also make sure she has some time alone, when she needs it. We do all the footwork when it comes to trying to maintain a relationship. I can be contact at jamaicajoe49@aol.com if anyone here on this forum wishes to or needs to talk further. She had no right to do this. I feel his intimate friend is a traitor to my mother and if I could ever accept her, I would be a traitor to my mother. I feel like Im losing him, too. I believed up until 3 years ago that if my father had his time again he had learned lessons and would not behave the same way. Unfortunately, due to the selfishness of the woman concerned, my sister and I are the ones looking after my father. I was not comfortable with the relationship however as suggested I tried to form a friendship. . But what he doesnt get is that I dont want to talk to him in front of her. Personally, I want to punch this person in the face, and as for my dad, I feel like I dont even know him. What you are going through is understandably painful and confusing to you right now. I wish I knew how to get passed this. Ugh!! I thought my feelings of anger and hurt were unfounded. Then I just found out after only 4 weeks of dating he went and bought a new queen bed for her so she could sleep comforable with my dad. We loved our spouses with all of our hearts, we dedicated our life to them and to the children. This hurts on so many levels that I cant even begin to explain. There are no words to describe the pain and emptiness I feel deep in the very pit of my being. Now, almost 4 months later they are still together. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. Coping with vascular dementia. This is a different time of your life, a different love. In my case, I learned that she was an amazing person and lived an amazing life, so I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as his wife and the ACs mother. Sending sympathy for your loss and your distress x, Hi Sonia, Obviously, I cannot advise you. ), so was well aware that it was going to be hard seeing another woman not only married to my Dad, but living in the same house that my Mom did. I hate the fact that someone like her came into our lives only to get what she was after for many years. My mom wanted to make sure to pass some of why her mother passed on to us, her kids. The damage done can not be undone. Then, they got married, and DIDNT INVITE US TO THE WEDDING! So he breaks up with her. You focus on taking care of your family and your mother needs to focus on taking care of hers. I dont think you understand. You guessed it. I do hope you have found some peace ? We would talk on the phone for long periods of time. Each time I got to the house something else was touched not bathrooms cleaned or floors cleaned or my dads clothes organized, but places my mom had stuff were rearranged. She calls telling my dad all about her medical problems (which is breast cancer) after my mother battled bone cancer. I actually sang the song through my tears, and then sat in the YouTube parking lot for a few moments in silence. Joanne- I think that was uncalled for- especially when everyones situation is different. I told myself that I could never forgive myself if something happened to my father too.It worked somewhat in that I tried as hard as I could. Now, friends and she permed and we share a picture of a support group a few months ago. Its like Im dealing with the loss of them both. #fyp #viral #chiaraactress While their kids and other relatives have mates and continue on with their lifes. 3) dad has a girlfriend. That I keep this house a MESS. Ellen is divorced and has two adult sons from her previous marriage. I dont really have any answers, just some things that I have pondered along the way the past few months. done. I believe that you could give the other person a chance to get to know them, isolation doesnt help in any way. He can live his, I can live mine. On Thanksgiving they go to her brothers and his wifes house to eat and I assume they go there on Easter as well. It gets me. When he is sick, hell check in daily for advice(were health professionals) but otherwise, it seems an effort to check in . She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. Now she is practically living at my parents house. One time he called me bawling when he got off of work because he picked up the phone and thought "I should call my wife to let her know I'm coming home." And paperwork etc. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. Ive tried ignoring it and being the bigger person always doing her dishes, then she starts moving in more on my house putting her mark everywhere and being home all day in my grandma house. Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. Thank goodness for social media, it helps a little. She just needs a shoulder to cry on and be. My brother was okay with it, my sister was as well(but now she is not) My father got quiet, and said that they werent having a second party. I am not casting doubt on this woman or saying she is financially motivated. Worse still, he is in ICU with a poor prognosis and I am expected to defer to her. Mom put to death at her own request after murdering her 5 kids This story has been shared 97,343 times. We have to get together on Christmas Eve because her family gets together for Christmas Day. Since he can no longer drive she holds all the power. I lost my wife Jan 12, 2012, June 9 is her birthday, I have 4 daughters, one the oldest accused me of wanting to throw her mother into the Forrest, which is the farthest from my mind, my wife (ashes)is here with me, I am having a terrible time dealing with these issues of my daughter not talking to me but being disturbed about throwing, I am no where near even thinking of a companion, Im still grieving and attending grieving classes at hospital where she died. How common. I love my dad but it hurts too much to hear him exclaim his great love for this woman at this point. My parents were married for 26 years. My point is that these experiences kept me going, and the memories you create will remain in your heart forever. This women across the street would come over often, and every time I was there just to be irritating to me because she knew we did not care for each other. I guess I just have a hard time understanding him. I was married for 24 years, had a familly and it began to grow. She lives in Florida so he traveled there a couple times to visit her- and he talks about her and her family and is very happy- which is great- but has done stuff with her family and grandkids, that he would never do back home with us. 755 Likes, 6 Comments - Shy Wolf Sanctuary (@shywolf_sanctuary) on Instagram: Raven was in need of rescue after her mom died and dad gave away all animals so that he could move She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. In fall of 2015 my stepfather announced he would be taking the friend on a trip out of the country. I supported him finding companionship. Bachelor and constantly discuss these women he is talking to, showing us their pictures they have sent him on his smart phone, and even dropping vague hints that he has met up with some of them while traveling for work. Lifestyle 6 Things That Helped Me Survive After My Father Passed Away by Kelly Weatherwax Jan. 14, 2015 Andreas Gradin I awoke to my mother repeatedly yelling in desperation, Bob! That being said, the tide turned. But Im still reeling over a set of events that happened this last Christmas, our first without my Mother-in-law. You have every right to have your own place! He lives alone and works in a very good job. Does she pay rent? I feel the sadness of never having met my husbands father and that there is a grandfather my children never knew. My Mom died December 7, 2008 after a 4 year fight with bone cancer. I loved my wife deeply and will miss her for the rest of my life but I did start a relationship 3 months after her passing. Arm in arm they would walk- it was traumatic. When my own father passed away in July 2018, after a seven year battle with multiple myeloma, a cancer of plasma cells, it shifted my notion of grief. At the first family trip, I was already stumped at how quickly things were moving. Everybody has to eat, and it is an intimate exchange. I lost my mother almost a year ago (Feb. 2008) and my father started spending time with an old friend from his past, 8 months later. When he could leave hospital he elected to go and live with her rather than us. During this period I recommend that the complete family join a grieving group. When my own father passed away in July 2018, after a seven year battle with multiple myeloma, a cancer of plasma cells, it shifted my notion of grief. How could so much love be so quickly forgotten. I also strongly believe in letting a respectable period of time pass before beginning new liaisons, because these events affect everybody in the family, not just the parent this needs to be understood by parent and child. Don't help anymore than you feel you must. I hope shes nice and will be my friend and be good to talk to. SInce then, my dad aquired another lady. Its like its no longer convient for him to do that. Remember, your father has made a choice. Scott suggested giving your stepson concrete check-ins about his move-out status, and boundaries for the time being as you continue to cohabitate. Hes only been dating her 3 months and Ive just been told he will be bringing her to visit when he sees us over the summer. August 31, 2013 at 11:59 pm. at. She just seems like she tries too hard. I realize that you cant always make everyone happy and eventually you have to be in charge of your own happiness, but it is important to talk with those close to you and try to understand what they are feeling and also the reverse, have the children try and understand what the spouse is feeling. People stay together for thirty years when they're providing each other with what the other needs - there were a great many things she came to NEED from your dad. It made the situation so much worse. My dad does not listen to my feelings and simply does not seem to care. Two years later, I have better grippage (one of my dads favorite made up terms) over my grief. Typed on my phone, dang you autocorrect! WowI really feel your pain. My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. She had dates lined up and then after the second, started regularly dating. He had actually showed some sort of care for her. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. The bushes were drying out because they were too big and not getting enough water, when its been over 110 degrees here for many many days. Heather asks for advice: In November, it will be two years since my mother died after a prolonged illness. Never give up! My mom was the backbone of this family, when her mother (my grandma) passed away she left my mom a legacy. It happened to soon.. we basically lost our dad (to his live in girlfriend) just months after losing our mom. I dont agree with certain behavior of some of the parents: comments about physical description, lovey dovey demonstration in front of your family, this thing has to be deal with at the moment that they occur or soon after. My mother passed away 30 days ago. Your new partner will replace your old one but for the family left reeling from the impact of this new relationship there are wounds from which they may never recover. Knowing that this person would throw you to the wolves if it would please her makes it hard to have a cheery disposition. I know its ridiculous to think that my Dad would (or should) remain single for the rest of his life (hes only 54 now), and I dont truly feel that way, but I cant accept the fact that he has apparently begun seeing someone without admitting it to me or my three siblings. Firstly, I speak as an Englishwoman married to an American who has only recently after almost 25 years of marriage taken joint citizenship! Furthermore, if it had been the other way around (i.e., my dad had died instead of my mom), then I would have actually encouraged my mom to get out and meet someone! I am 23 years old, I am her youngest, and I am in the toughest time trying to get through this. I dont know what to do. He was dating an old friend of my mother. documentaries Jan. 30, 2023. The place were we went to grieve her loss. left and never turned back, he took her to Florida for a month when he got back never contacted me and when he sees me he ignores me and snuggles her or holds her hand , like he is rubbing my face in it, siblings say get over it and let him be happy, I just cant, I am so hurt and he has also made comments to me THAT i FEEL WERE IN APPROPRIATE she has the womans touch, and you dont know how i lived very hurtful things anyone else having issues like this, I totally understand both of you. We both live right next door to Dads old home place. We took a week to plan for the funeral, etc. Your email address will not be published. My mom died in 2005 and my dad went on a date 3 weeks later. My sister feels the relationship started way before we found out about it. It's clear that your heart aches as well as your mother's. The frustration in your post beneath your cheap shot of saying we should ignore very real and valid feelings to honor our mothers in heaven is sickening. It was like he was here to fulfill some sort of obligation or something. However that does not mean the living spouse is to stop their life. Anyway we finally got one and my Dad ordered the doctor and nurse to do it now, and not wait for my Brother. What I would do is to call your dad and tell him you would like to sit down and talk to him alone. She is an adult. Totally inappropriate! It felt so good to get on this website and read that so many other people are experience the same things that I am. How sad your letter makes me! When I arrived she was there crying incessantly like a long suffering wife. Now his wife has him to herself. After my father and my dad also her mother was inheriting everything to keep a plant you may think about 25 and the same disease.