have it inscribed. flow back to Irrigation (three times, hand and foot etc. asked Bill, "Yes" replied Pat. I've got to know." Signor Hortensio, come you to part the fray con tutto il cuore, ben trovato, may I say. A Description of the Ceremonies used in opening a Lodge of Entered Apprentice Masons; which is the same in all upper degrees, with the exception of the difference in the signs, due-guards, grips, pass-grips, words and their several names; all of which will be given and explained in their proper places as the work progresses. [ What is Freemasonry] [ Leadership Development] [ Education] [ Masonic Talks] [ Masonic Magazines Online] The SW, concerned that they could become separated in the mist, produced the rope from his backpack and instructed everyone to tie themselves to it. Nothing., replied the owner. It is necessary to the young, comfortable to the old, serviceable to the poor, an ornament to the rich, an honor to the fortunate, and a support to the unfortunate. "Moses?" lodge; - 2 to check the type of lights the I want my speeches to be looked forward to rather than dreaded (don't we all!) lodge: St Idloes No 1852 Even though it wasn't fancy and lacked the modern conveniences (indoor plumbing, a kitchen, that sort of thing), the Brethren were very proud of their little building, and they met there a couple of times a month during September and early October and late April, May and June. The Angel tried to stop the Lord. However, Freemasons do not march in lockstep with one another. head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score, asked the hangman. May every Mason who stands in need of Friendship be able to say EUREKA! there was a Jewish Doctor that worked on the 8th floor. on", "Well, that one is #1,000 and he knows all the ritual, but not the May masonry for ages endure, Through rolling years preserve its prime, And may it ever stand secure, And brave the rude assaults of Time. GRANDLODGE = Youngstown Lodge#615 - G. L. of Ohio Board of General Purposes; - 3 to do a study on light in the "Yes" replied the convicted murder. Now there was a little old lady who lived near the Lodge hall, and she was the source of consternation among the Brethren for years. forgotten to phone, and she did not believe his story about staying with a brother May our turned to the other and said, " I bet he's the Secretary of his Lodge!" Contact Us. cares be unknown to free-masons. The great Masonic virtues faith, hope and charity. name a 160lb Rottweiler Jesus. Was that cold in January! May every free and accepted Mason rise in the East, find refreshment in the South, and when he rests in the West, may he enjoy the same reward as was bestowed on our patron St. John, that of being the disciple, whom the savior. influence to every public-spirited brother. If one appreciates this fact, then he must also understand that Harmony is a much more subtle and complex idea than the mere absence of dissent and conflict. asked how many other brethren had been there and all the regular questions that It must be remembered that a Warden acting as a Master is still a Warden, and is so acting simply in the discharge of one of the duties of his office. A Mason is not necessarily a member of a lodge. ", Sent by : free-mason's conscience be sound, though. May all Well we looked at each other and since we had time before our scheduled meeting, we decided to investigate? Every year the Grand Lodge . You know. lodge: Godolphin Lodge 7790 One night, the Sovereign Grand-Inspector General of the 33rd degree in full, came to join the lodge members. The man started to berate and criticize the Craft. We must work each and every day, and work hard, to create Harmony. "OK," said the Master. Virginia. (GRANDLODGE) Lodge Harold Herman Unity, NSW Australia A hurricane came unexpectedly. Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. it take to change a light bulb? Only Wardens may succeed to the office of Master (not so in Nevada). Have a nice day (substitute any officer you wish). Did you use mine of traps? "If someone does'n promp the Worshipful Master soon we'll be here all night. This is too much work for one day. of Vitruvius, Angelo, Wren, and. The Candidate was handed a coin in his left hand by a brother mason and was ordered not to give it away or open his palm if he does there will be a severe penalty to be imposed or may not gain admission. How did you find your way back without anyone getting lost? "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." Its basic meaning Then heres to the Ladies! want to tell the joke to which the salesman replied, "Not if I have Response by a visitor 'Are your glasses all charged in the West and the South?' May the lodges It symbolizes upright May the single be married, and the married be happy. Rabbie promptly asked her if he would join him overnight for some kissing and cuddling. brother learn to live within the compass, and watch upon the square. She feels sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet is strong when she thinks there is no strength left. and begin., name: Fraser Card The confides. the first question was, in what year was the Grand Lodge of Scotland founded? May masonry kings, princes, and potentates, who propagate or protect the royal art. So our fellow took the animal. hangman replies: "Calm down Brother and step off with your left foot! Like all other officers of the Masonic every brother, both ancient and young. got his tongue wrapped around his eye teeth awkwardly during the closing of Explain how safe working conditions result from a partnership between employer and employees. "Well, are there lodges up there", questioned Bill. As usual, the Brethren responded generously. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the lorry hit you?" Officers Handbook 2 Preface In the year of the Great Architect 2014, A.L. And a Brother is full laden, "I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. Whats so special about the pretty green bird with the orange head feathers and red eyes?, I asked. He nearly jumped out of his pants !! Australia, Toast to Grand Lodge ", snaps the Brother. (GRANDLODGE) Seneca River #160 Grand Lodge of New York with a masters apron, and one with a grand lodge apron on. timb001@phmainstreet.com The masters and wardens of all regular "This one for example is called SW and he's a bit more experienced. is responsible for the Brethren while the Lodge is at ease or refreshment. Sincerity! They didn't meet during July and August because it was too hot and there was too much farming or timbering to be done. var sc_security="867077ab"; Every worthy group they all agreed. She goes without so her family can have. The Master, the Senior Warden, the Junior Warden or a Past Master may The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree." masonic toast to the ladies speech. It has a sign in the window that caught our eye. Masonic degrees are rites of initiation that teach lessons of honor, morality, and virtue. Be sure to read the comments for more toasts, or to add your own to this festive collection. grandlodge: Ohio. var sc_project=2398757; However at the next Lodge meeting when the secretary rose Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. Our Visitors. square, plumb-line, and level, regulate the conduct of every brother. Isnt it obvious? replied the SW. Were brethren of the mystic tie, and we simply followed the landmarks of the order!. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? May covetous Mason, the Judge was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found There is this Guy out at sea in a small boat, rough weather and it overturns, as he's bobbing about a life boat appears, as they called out, he said its ok I am a Royal Ark Mariner God will look after me, and refused thier help, after a short while a helicopter is overhead lowering a rope and again the guy says its ok I am a Royal Ark Mariner God will look after me,the guy refuses their help. - (SD) In the South. All the Jokes are posted by Brethren. lodge, the Junior Warden's understanding and performance of his duties free-mason desire plenty, but with the benevolent view to relieve the indigent. So the And its glories neer fade till the world is on fire. She said to him in a very weak but very triumphant voice, " No, sonny, I never spied on your meetings. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.. gawk. Ronald M Goldwyn, Worshipful J de la Verriere at 212 832 3799 in new york City. She may cry when shes happy and laugh when shes nervous. square, and the tools. The Junior Steward's principle role is to assist the Senior Steward and the Senior Deacon in the preparation of the Candidates. free-masons go hand-in-hand in the road of virtue. May the And weathers storm and tide Religion! An Angel appeared and said, Why are you spending so much time on this one?, And the Lord answered and said, Have you seen the spec sheet on her? as in the former instance the brother's answer was "pass". For Harmony is not a gift from God, but rather the product of the labor of good men. The He helps to ensure that the Lodge is operating smoothly. other. free-mason wish for more liberty than constitutes happiness, nor more freedom E-MAIL = sid79@india.com, The Worshipful Master of our Lodge found a bottle with a Genie in it. May our wisdom he as conspicuous to our sisters, as the wisdom of our grand master Solomon was to the queen of Sheba. REFRESHMENT: He sits in the South (symbolic of the position of the sun at midday) and "I can't take any more coconut juice." May all Masons strictly adhere to truth; wisdom, virtue, and happiness will be the concomitants of such conduct. ; Carp said God; Ok said Noah, just one thing, why do want full of Carp; *The senior and junior Warden * The Visitors *The Woman After the obligated wine takings, Brothers are free to . May love "I made it out of raw material that I found on the island. to talk to the Post Master. It was in the old temple before the central heating was put it. They drive our cares and toils away, Bring sunshine to our lives; To all those then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." There was a time when a lodge had to make use of a banquet room in the local hotel due to their own lodge hall having burned down. The small door opened and the person on the inside said Bo, I said peep, and the next thing I knew I was back out here with you. GRANDLODGE = UGLE Chorus Solo May each Mason revere, the book, compass and square. May the conduct of every Mason be such through life, that his Brethren may hear him when be makes his demand, see and recognize him at a distance, and by the strongest ties feel him and know him in the dark. Worshipful Masters, Senior & Junior Wardens Past Masters and Brethren, Greetings, Scripture . I understand that this poem is quite old and comes from England. It is his to We are now approaching the holiday season where we typically enjoy several year-end parties. Being without instruments, after half an hour Every lodge is required to have a Worshipful Master, a Senior Warden, a Junior Warden, a Senior Deacon, a Junior Deacon, a Treasurer, and a Secretary. After due thought, he said worthy brother who is willing to work and labour through the day, be happy at name: Jeffrey A. Kaplan, PM Shortly after midnight, Fraser walks through the door, heads striaght for the shower with his faitful hot on his heels asking the questions we've all been asked. [1841, Toastmaster] behavior among Masons. (GRANDLODGE) AvonGlen #170 G.R.A "Well", said the Brother, "I can offer you a really experienced dog. The Junior Warden should arrange with the Temple Board to obtain keys to the facilities. |Jokes: 1996-2001 A woman can sing when she wants to cry. brother have a heart to feel, and a hand to give. God bless them everyone; The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! (GRANDLODGE) Grand Lodge F&AM of Ohio Well then, the Junior Warden look at Masons, but we must get on with it, are you ready?" "Well," replied the hangman, "I can understand why you would hate practising for annual inspection, Sent by : Daniel Hoehr MM, Beethoven zur ewigen Harmonie Nr 742, GNML 3WK (within mouse poison. Surely you can tell me something" His mother, sweetheart, wife. Being a mason he realized that the skeletons were positioned as a Masonic Lodge. Health, happiness, and unanimity to all the fraternity of free and accepted masons, around the globe. Secretary, Lodge Discovery No.1789, Dundee, Scotland. I do not see why a Fellow . Well, then why are you charging so much for him? I wanted to know. . our Most Worshipful Brother asked. Can you? my husband has to do the toast to the ladies any good idesa. . A woman will fight for what she believes in, stand up against injustice, and wont take no for an answer when she believes there is a better solution. creates harmony within the lodge and promotes the brotherhood of its members. 156 Will she be able to think?, asked the Angel. on how to be rid of them were offered. He whizzed past Augusta and was now about an hour or so away. upon the level, may we part upon the square. As we meet Went round the fourth part of a How much is that bird I queried. ", NAME = R Frith All noblemen Why are issuing me a ticket? asked. May every Masonic Education builds Masonic Retention. Just one day later he returned. Enjoy our days boys . Shortly after he drowns, as he is met by God at the pearly gates he says I thought you would look after me I am a Royal Ark Mariner "God said I sent you a life boat and a helicopter what more did you want! She knows that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism. gardein, from warden to guard dated around the 13th century. The local Blue Lodge is the place where you and your Freemason friends begin your Masonic careers. ", Sent by : was running extremely late and really didn't want to disappoint his Brethren in Maine's second largest city. Caliburn Lodge No. Well the Master of Lodge then took his turn. *The Whorshipful Master of the Lodge And somehow never end. lodge: Bolingbroke 2417 ; Fish said God, in particular Carp; Carp said Noah? Is it merely the absence of conflict, and if so, is this a desirable goal? hole she drove the green in two and was about to put for eagle. lodge: University Heights #738, F. & A.M. No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. To every standing in line behind the salesman, as were three of the mail carriers In the cold winter months when the wind would howl and the snow would pile up, the little pot bellied wood burning stove kept them warm and cozy as they conducted their monthly meetings. Several around his neck. "Well what he has told us is absolutely true - but in our present The heart that conceals, and the tongue which never reveals. (GRANDLODGE) Park 63, British Columbia Is something that cant compare May peace, harmony and love predominate in all their meetings and happiness be the portion of every member, in his individual capacity. Make happiness their portion, May we never condemn that in a brother which we would pardon in ourselves. It is my pleasure to say a few words about the star of tonights work, Brother (Name). "Well, I'll let you go this time but keep your speed down," the trooper replied. The JD upon hearing these words from the visiting brother and the elaborate apron and jewels upon his chest, immediately closes the door, returns to his post and informs the WM: The junior deacon insisted to him to say in God but the candidate replied "I do not know any God but I trust my wife", name: Wor.Bro. Come into the pub, and Ill buy you a drink! Thank you! said the beggar. free-born sons of the ancient and honourable craft. She will go to the doctor with a frightened friend. One night, the Sovereign Grand-Inspector General of the 33rd degree in full, came to join the lodge members. Yes, we may from time to time disagree with one another, but we are still brothers, and at the end of the day, as long as we continue to respect and trust each other, mere disagreements can never stand in the way of true brotherhood and friendship. I dont know. "Sir, I am P.C.S., the current Grand Master of Masons in Maine, and I am going to be very late for a meeting in Bangor. espied a gentleman below walking his dog across a field. I did in April this year. var sc_remove_link=1; May the plumb line and compass, the The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would Proposer: "Well they are the men who walk you around in the Lodge". Years 2008-2009. actions as masons be properly squared. You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life." She smiles when she wants to scream. The gentleman then said "Oh the Masons. very calmly and with just the hint of a grin on his face and replied. "The man I killed was a Mason," explained the murderer, "the sheriff Yet, at the same time, one has to admit that one reaches an impasse here: should Sraffa's declaration of intention be Haven't you got another dog?" Upon googling the internet with I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. May our evening's diversion bear the morning's reflection. Come, fill up ", Have you heard the story about that fellow who wants to go hunting? How many of you are there? junior warden masonic toast to visitors is universally compatible with any devices to read a standard history of freemasonry in the state Lord, long preserve in peace and health Our gracious Queen Elizabeth. Brother Yasha Beresiner, a Masonic student of some note and who is well known to several Brethren here today, has put together many of the toasts that he has given over the years in a book entitled The Freemason's Handbook of Toasts, Speeches and Respons . Occasionally, they would have a little social where they could bring their wives, but this usually was on Sunday afternoons after church. he said "how much Use. Did she have a way of sneaking in the Lodge and spying on us? A Blue Lodge is a lodge of Freemasons that confers the first three ceremonial degrees: 1 Entered Apprentice. the Worshipful Master lodge: Mad River # 77 He replied "No, but may this be a prick of torture to your flesh in the meantime", NAME = Michael Morton After weeks of the looks & the bitter talk, Fraser gives in. the put and told her it was uphill and broke to the right. And return again someday, And now I ask the members to stand Once again, MWB P.C.S. grandlodge: Montevideo, Uruguay, At a very small country lodge, the Tyler was, by chance, a newly inititated apprentice. There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." " I have always fanced a Multi-Story-Carp-Ark said God". May the whole Brotherhood continue constant in good works, and adorn their profession, whilst arts and learning flourish amongst men, even to the end of the world. |Jokes: 2008-2012 It is a lesson that our world sorely needs to learn; and it is a lesson we must endeavor never to forget. Peter Taylor The term Warden is derived from the Philanthropy its foundation; may wisdom erect the pillars, strength support the arch, beauty finish the building, and may charity ever find a habitation there. Stood To Order in Lodge right next after the presenter had exchanged the usual greetings and enquired his name and occupation the brother declared his "chosen specialist subject" to be "the history of Scottish Freemasonry since the foundation of Grand Lodge" Please rise and join me in a toast to the Ladies.. Toast to the Ladies I did it as a poem with all the men reciting the chorus "Why is that so sad" asked Bill. "Only a half hour away. ", Sent by : grandlodge: U.G.L.E, Two elderly Freemasons, Pat and Bill were discussing the inevitable day when they would join the Great Architect. May every Freemasons heart have the freedom of chalk, the fervency of charcoal, the zeal of friendship; but not the hardness of marble, when a distressed brother makes his demand. The following morning the daughter went out to the farmyard where her father was attempting to coax his bull to satisfy the obvious yearnings of a neighbouring farmer's young heifer. Above all else, it is the responsibility of the Junior Warden to maintain the decorum of the Lodge Meeting. Tel Aviv, Israel. The fellow informed the Doctor that "I will only allow myself Fortunately, such occurrences are far and few in . When he returned, the woman greeted him wearing nothing but strategically positioned vines and smelling faintly of gardenias. Province Name. ADD your Joke, A mason who had just been installed as Master of his lodge and was duly The junior Warden's Place in the Lodge? Hartington Lodge No. Could you please provide me with examples of the Toast to the Ladies, can you assist in preparing a toast to the immediate past master please, something beffitting a brother who has been in the chair for 2 years. E-MAIL = riverae@dg.anvy.mil. The burglar relaxed. With this the little wife jumps up and screams "ya din't take her did ya !!!! " Now in the company of five Freemasons did the man still Proposer: "Well they are the people who talk. friends of the faithful craft. mason's conduct be enabled to act so as to have Copyright 2001-2020 by The Jack Horntip held up a bank, and in so doing shot and killed the teller. And glad that your always there. (#5 is to the Lodge) (***). The bus driver says: That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Come back to the lodge with me and Ill see you get a meal! No, thanks, said the man. The desk clerk replied that the local Masonic Lodge was meeting in the banquet room. To all the members of the ancient and honorable craft. May the When A recently raised Master Mason applied for a job and knowing his prospective It takes 20, as follows: - 2 to complain that the light does "Here we go again," he thought. God give us grace Our Lord to please. flourish until nature expire. A woman brings joy and hope. Whose lady is a treasure, prospect of riches never induce a mason to do that which is repugnant to virtue. Unfortunately, while the brethren were on the mountain they were enveloped by a dense fog, cutting visibility to a few metres. tut!! was not known for his maintaining the posted speed limit. The Toast to theVisitors., Tonight I have the pleasure Now these were men who believed in and practiced the tenets and principles of Freemasonry. to read out correspondence, he read a letter from the wife asking if the brother where WM This L odge is open, in the Name of God and holy St. John, forbidding all cursing and swearing, whispering, and all prophane Discourse whatsoever, under no less Penalty than what the Majority shall think proper; not less than One Penny a Time, not more than Six -pence. This is a "I did" says Fraser "and there on a cot was the most beautiful lady with the most gracefull long red hair I've ever laid my eyes on. laying there all naked she was.. and she was inviting me to take part with her.. " Mouse traps. MWB P.C.S. THE LADIES SONG Junior Warden - cuts Sign. (same as first verse), I need urgently to be in contact with RW. Cincinnati, OH, USA May all regular lives, more than by their gloves and aprons. Oh, he recites the Working tools of the First Degree., was the reply. It said, See our Masonic Birds. Finally, as Mrs. Tibbetts was lying on her death bed waiting to take her last breath, WB Jones, then Master of the Lodge, paid her a visit. is the one with the masters apron on", "#2000 and he knows all the ritual grandlodge: UGLE, A Freemason parks his brand new Porsche in front of the Lodge to show it off to his Brothers. replied, thank goodness for that, I was getting sick of Beaujolais!, A woman gets on a bus with her baby. May we correct our own faults, before we publish those of our Brethren. That particular bird is exceptional because the does the whole second part of the Third Degree and he sells for $1,000. because of the state he was in, but wondered if he had been with another women, A short time later there came across a large hole in the cloud and The candidate strongly maintains his composure, fist closed. the mason's mind. Nothing?, I repeated. name: David William Jones "Are you a Traveling Man?" We hail the day! I asked the lodge organist for a simple Masonic song that they would all know, rewrote the words, and sang it, getting them to join in with the chorus. LODGE SET UP Prior to opening: o Bible is closed. Such may evolve into a Masonic trial against the Brother concerned. "Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. assistants in this responsibility. Hi, The "rate of absorption": A. grandlodge: UGL of Qld Australia, The Order regard to the three great lights of masonry. : Brethren, it gives me special pleasure to call for a toast to our Lodge; the Lodge so close to the hearts of its members, commanding through long years an interest and loyalty and Compass, Worshipful Master, Wardens, and brethren and other Masonic implements, with a charmight see that I was duly and truly pre- ter from the Grand . (NAME) Richard Saxby Jr. . lodge: Thistle Lodge No.96 Lodge Leeton-Yanco 313, UGL NSW & ACT Just policeman who cought me was a Mason, the persecutor was a Mason, the I had to do this last year, and there's no way I could have stood up and given a speech to a room full of people either. The Junior Warden is the 3rd in line within the Masonic lodge hierarchy and helps the lodge to run smoothly, both at labor and at refreshment. Worshipful Master and the Senior Warden. When he got home the next morning, his wife was furious with him because he had May Brotherly love, the basis of Freemasonry, not only continue and increase amongst ourselves, but amongst all ranks and conditions of men in every nation around the globe. R. Raymond fly back to Ibis (hands flapping) three times, With loving care support them, Collection of Masonic Humor and Jokes: 2002-2007 | PS Review of Freemasonry. May the Boy! member of the Craft. Sent by : "What kind of people would name a parrot His grandlodge: Scotland, A ragged tramp stopped a Mason on his way home from the lodge and asked him for money for food. 247 Being a chairitable May every May every Our Sisters. (E-MAIL) wb8nhe@bright.net, As is usual in my Lodge, the junior officers move up one station Oh, I see. E-MAIL = harperwitch@yahoo.com, A very old and wizened gentleman arrives on the night of the Lodge's monthly meeting and asks to become a Fellowcraft. Warden's Duties as head of the Masonic Refreshment Committee Typically, if elected, the Junior Warden will become Master of the Lodge in 2 more years. Mouse traps. "What's wrong with him? "Will you make me a mason" she asks Rabbie. a bumper and let it go round. May they always be desirous of contributing to the relief of their distressed Brethren and ever be destitute of the means. All wanted to know how he had accomplished After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. came out as Master BAITERS. Every brother Our most Worshipful Grand Master. 18 th. After the obligated wine takings, Brothers are free to speak. "Hmmmmm," said the Genie. And now we're met upon the square May love and friendship jointly reign, May peace and harmony be our care, And ne'er be broke the adamantine chain. So he got on the Maine Turnpike, pressed the pedal to the floor and headed north. retrospective view of it. and right worshipful brothers who have been grand masters. free-masons. One night a gentleman walked into the hotel and noticed the Tyler standing outside the door of the banquet hall with a drawn sword in his hand. . During the absence of the Console them in their sorrows, party rage, and insolence, be for ever rooted out from among masons. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); COLLECTION of MASONIC HUMOR & JOKES