Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. Is that pretty much it? You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. Let him go. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. Even if she was on birth control. lets_be_honest It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. Apparently not him, because the LW never says he ordered her to abort. They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. we were truley in love. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? In the future, if I should ever have the desire to date again I would use condoms in addition to birth control to make sure I dont get diseases. In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. There is no child at conception very good. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. Outstanding dont have kids. Now? And the man? I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. That wont solve anything. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. The timing was exactly right. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. I think hes allowed to have an opinion about the woman after all, hes about to be handcuffed to her for the next 19 years or so. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass. If this is the case then your friend is in the clear because he has no legal responsibility any more. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. Still, if I were the LW and I saw my newly reunited BF acting this way about his soon to be born child, Id get the heck out of there. Oh boy. It's been really painful for me. One common definition: a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. Malarky. Again, if a woman chooses to have a baby against the fathers stated wishes (and the law of the land says this is completely and totally her choice), then that is her choice. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. So he literally now has to reap what he sows as the consequences of his actions. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. 5. Therefore, move on. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. For whatever reason that may be. and our lets_be_honest She is certain it is his. 6napkinburger By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. 10. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. I agree with you, as well. Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. Especially if you think the laws are unfair, I think youd be particularly cautious in your actions. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. She loved him back then but broke up with him over this but went back to him 20 years later thinking he grew up.2016. Obviously, NEITHER man is responsible for the child the woman wanted it, she grew it. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. evanscr05 Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. silver_dragon_girl Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Dee S. Advocate But biology puts the woman in the drivers seat once conception results. April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. You cant live without food. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. I make no exception for men or women. April 9, 2012, 10:34 pm. Theyve both made their choice. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. Sigh. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. You can look at it like women are lucky- they can opt out at the last minute! Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. REALLY?! I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. So for someone I love and care deeply about, its enjoyable. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. Im not saying it doesnt happen, but I find it hard to believe that people who dont take care dont get pregnant and every unwanted pregnancy is always the product of birth control failure. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. Its none of your business. But really, no one knows his true reaction. Men AND women have walked away from children. Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A April 10, 2012, 6:43 pm. He doesnt want to be with you. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. There is a certain degree of sadness in all of this, yes, but Ive turned out far better than my friends whose fathers have been unable to make up their minds one way or another about parenthood. Youre only asking for heartache down the road. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. I get what youre saying. Not me. John Rohan Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. bittergaymark By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. People in healthy relationships say things like despite the circumstances that broke us up, we realized our relationship was worth working past those things by doing xyz Finally, the letter reads as a teenagers temper tantrum. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. SweetsAndBeats This guy sounds like scum. So, in other words, men should only have oral sex no, wait, not even that, because the STD risk remains but that women can have all the se they want, because they have the option of aborting a resulting pregnancy? April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. Comparing your own experience to other people's. If you and your partner don't feel like you're getting the love you deserve, one of you could cheat. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. This surprises you? . She came first. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. Go on about it all you want though. Furthest from the vagina, just saying. am . Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. Yes everyone went bonkers. Hes made a choice. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. No. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. Im not saying this guy is wonderful by any means. If you want something different, you must do something different. You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. Addie Pray Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. .. but what if she did deceive him? The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. But condoms should still be used unless the relationship is established and monogamous and both parties are disease-free. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. Youre fucking advocating that brilliantly fool-proof method?! He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. Whoever is saying otherwise is simply wrong. BACKFIRES! Best of luck. April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. That is not acceptable. lets_be_honest And finally , yes, I do think he should have some right to what happens to that pregnancy, and yes I do think that trapping someone by getting pregnant is repulsive, and so yes, I can understand his anger at the woman if that is what is happening. The dude having sex is not my issue. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. She didnt rape him. I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. Iwannatalktosampson Please do better. It doesnt involve any weird semi-involvement; but rather a clean break for the child and a chance to build a happy, loving life with a set of great parents. She has every right to be shocked and upset about the turn of the events, but the way she is reacting; blaming everything on the woman, judging her, calling HER names, is wrong and she comes off as an immature, witchy teenager. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. How fast his new relationship is moving. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. He sounds self-entitled, immature, arrogant, an all around horrible person. bittergaymark Either_Coconut 3 mo. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? Thats nature, Tim. BUT. Jimmy and Susie are in love. Its always someone elses fault. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. But you know what? Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? Problem. Ever. I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. He was there just as much as that woman was. And the LW is making it seem as if her poor bf did nothing. thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Bless your heart. sorry, brain). It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.