Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. It took the poor guy all day. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. What happened Sergeant? I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! What did you do? Caller: Sgt. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. 9. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. 43. 13. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Caller: Do you have his right number? Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. 3. Ocean Pearl, I answered. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. The tenant shook her head. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? . If it doesnt move, pick it up. March forth! A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? 50. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! with someone braver than you.'. ", 55. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Hey, Im from Chicago too!. They throw out a pistol. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Baltimore, said Dad. She told me she warships them. 2. 32. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Rodrigues there? Me: Hello? Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Thats Daddy. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. We were a tough group. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. An airplane! The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. 11. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? He needed COVER! But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 66. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Did it work? 33. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Later, I spoke with Mom. 1. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. At least SEVEN Cs! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. SUB sandwiches! The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. you cant do both. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. She also liked her scotch. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. I'm impressed! 18. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. 3. Dont think so? 7. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. I will take the both of you for a ride. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Altitude is life insurance. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. They bagged six. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. SUB sandwiches! S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. He finally comes dragging in at. What do hungry Marines eat? 2. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Theyre U.S. AF! Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Read more. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. 46. Me: Still the wrong number. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Pizza de Resistance Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Rodrigues there? But something struck me as odd. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. 28. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. He nodded. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. 8. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. Landings are mandatory. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Takeoffs are optional. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. If pilots screw up, they die. Ive been sandblasted.. 15. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). I was the cook.. Because the Army needed heroes too. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Soldier: No, SIR!. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. ! Again, no reply. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. 4. (Hang up. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Its not weak, he replied. Even his son turned up. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. They want their patients to see 20:20! Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Why? I asked. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Why won't you kiss me? Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. 4. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. The Army will post guards around the building. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. 1. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. I say again, stand down and divert your course. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating.
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