Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. King MT. Consent i s the keyword. 2014. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. His family says it was unaware of any "second. CNN . The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. 2006; 45(3): 311330. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. International Nursing Review. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. "Risk"? But Im his last.. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. Not many people like a second wife. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. Every possibility seems available to them. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Crookston EM. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. composed of two imperfect people. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". Rehman J. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. They dream big. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. Polygamy.com. She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. We have an ordinary life. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. Their average marriage duration was 11 years and living in the same house or compound. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. Polyamory is not just about sex, both Farmer and Schippers point out, whereas open marriages, open relationships and swinging tend to emphasize the sexual parts of a relationship. 15 Signs of a Histrionic Narcissist in a Relationship, How to Make an Anxious Avoidant Relationship Work: 15 Ways, 15 Signs of Narcissistic Parents-in-Law and How to Deal With Them, 15 Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband, Why Do I Attract Narcissists: 10 Reasons & Ways to Stop It, Denial Stage of Grief: Signs and How to cope, 10 Ways to Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You, 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. Ethnology. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". Invest in the future today. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part.